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Spenser
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04/04/2019 4:57 am  

“Simply change woman”

EL 2019


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Elektropow
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04/04/2019 8:02 am  

Hahaha, change woman engaged.

But it's true. I couldn't love someone that didn't at least appreciate me for what I am and do. I'd quickly lose my feelings towards someone who started bitching about that kind of stuff, manchild issues aside. But I'm no pushover, I don't attract the dominating type but I've got a lot of friends I weep for their taste in partners.

There's plenty of irrational money spending on both sides so I'm with spens and this should be a non-issue until it becomes an economical problem or otherwise overly unsustainable.


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Mr. Irrelevant
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04/04/2019 8:20 am  

since i in a sense started this i'll address @spenser's point for my personal situation. she definitely just doesn't like me buying a ton of boards. but frankly it's a limit that is for the best anyway. we do now have a young son, so the financial aspect of it is 100% there. simply put, i should not be spending that much money on an activity i only do once a week, no matter how important it is to me. i'm trying to minimize my gear at this point on my own because i was getting sick of only riding something a couple times. i'm trying to be more selective in my purchases and only keep what i will genuinely ride. also trying to do more of a one in one out as well. kids are insanely fucking expensive so it's 100% NOT in the budget right now, so i should be making these decisions not to whore on my own....but dealing with an annoyed partner is also good motivation to keep me in check. 

my self control with this stuff is damn near non-existent at times so she helps keep me in check. i've turned away from a great deal on new boots, dump truck, and 2020 squanch within the past few weeks because i simply do not need them, least of all because of monetary reasons (but also most of all because of monetary reasons). i still have work to do with my wife in terms of not letting her control my biggest passion, because you guys do have a point...within reason i should be allowed to do whatever the hell i want when this is one of my 2 "things" (bikes being the other). but as @highme said, when you're married, own a home, and have kids there are VERY few decisions you make that are truly individual. it's all a balance. and that balance can be tough to maintain at certain times. at some point i'll piss her off by buying a board...and another time i'll decide to stay home for the weekend so we can be together as a family. i have to hope she keeps those decisions in mind, and if she doesn't i'll sure as shit remind her

the whole "change woman" line is so fucking annoying by the way. grow up. thats not directed at anyone specifically. its such a common response here, DMQ, ST, wherever. it was funny for a while. now it just annoys the fuck out of me. /rant

5'9" | 185 lbs | US9 boots (K2 TT) | Now - Drive & YES. | Gnu Beast 158 | YES. 420 148 | Arbor Clovis 157 | Camber, S-Rocker, Flat to Rocker | 150cm-160cm | Some Taper | Neat shapes are neat


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Elektropow
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04/04/2019 8:30 am  

Yeah, not as simple when you've really commited eh.

But in a way it's true. This is something that should come up quite early in a relatiinship though, not as a surprise. Luckily I have a moral highground in my current relationship and she has way more issues that annoy or have the capacity or right to annoy me. Being the more patient half, I do get to hear a lot about smaller issues, stuff that I wouldn't even bring up. The boards are ok, though I am just ashamed of it personally at times. I don't really neeeeed a board for every condition and feeling.


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Velvet Hammer
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04/04/2019 8:38 am  

Having kids shows your level of commitment. 


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Payaso
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04/04/2019 8:49 am  

Wife:  "Why do you have seven snowboards anyway?"

Me:  "Because I don't have space for twelve."  

(squinty Dr Evil look)  "Someday soon though, all will be revealed..."


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c.fuzzy
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04/04/2019 9:15 am  

I liked 'change woman' for the giggle it brought me.

And for some, that's an option and for others, not at all. Everyone has different priorities in their life and those change too. If snowboarding is #1 priority, or gear whoring, or just being the 'no one is going to tell me what to do' person, whatever driver is behind that wheel... shine on. 

And if the priority is providing a safe and secure household and family to raise a kid in, and that means you've got to put up with a little bit (or maybe a lot) of compromising, or whatever... shine on.

Spenser has acknowledged to being in a relationship with someone that was perhaps not completely stable. I'd bet that was a discovery and not something he knew beforehand. Well... that's how relationships go and sometimes people find themselves in situations where 'change woman' isn't really an option. For whatever reason but especially to buy a few more boards. (edit: not saying this is the case AT ALL. just using hypotheticals anecdotally.)

I think we all know of individuals that have made really profound personal sacrifices for other people, be them friends, family, lovers or kids. 

Whatever the priority in a persons life is, hopefully they know it and are making decisions that are in line with that. There are times when moving on from a relationship is the right move and other times when it isn't and imo no one here is in a position to judge. 

If someone here is in a bad situation and needs advice or help and is asking that's one thing. And giving good natured ribbing when clearly understood, I get that too. But no one should be telling someone else who to love.

This post was modified 6 months ago by c.fuzzy

lingonberry pancakes waffles


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Elektropow
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04/04/2019 10:22 am  

I don't think anyone is. I personally wouldn't however go that far in a relationship before noticing I'm being manipulated out of the things I love to do. They are pretty apparent though from the first go, so if someone is put off by that, initiative change woman is easy to engage well before even talk about having kids or other commitments. I'm not saying everyone should have the same priorities. If board whoring became an economic or unsustainable problem, that affects others who are on the life trip with you, it's pretty obvious you should hear about it. I do however see a lot of dudes (and some girls definitely) who like being pushed around, it seems. In one relationship in particular my friend is not allowed to really do or get stuff he likes, only compromise. The reptilian (in my eyes) that resembles a wife has crazy ways to manipulate but has poor introsoective qualities and doesn't really follow the golden rule herself. You let yourself to lull into these circumstances if you're not clear and reasonably adamant. I think the "wife don't likey" think is mostly a joke, but if one is really in a situation like that that's serious, one should look in the mirror. You can't dig yourself out of a hole of compromises easily.

For the record, I don't condone the easy way out girl swap scenario that easily.


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Wes B.
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04/04/2019 11:06 am  

Doesn't this all boil down to money and how it's managed when in a (committed) relationship?

I.e. my wife and I have a joint account for our money, but also each kept separate accounts for each's own money. About once a year, we look at regular family expenses and adjust how much we each need to put in the pot weekly.

Neither has any say in what the other does with his own money. 

Of course, I'll ask for my wife's opinion for certain purchases but I've never needed her permission. Same goes for her.

My wife only gives me a hard time about my gear and sneaker hoarding bc we live in a small condo and it's getting fkn crammed in here. 


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Elektropow
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04/04/2019 11:23 am  
Posted by: Wes B.

Doesn't this all boil down to money and how it's managed when in a (committed) relationship?

I.e. my wife and I have a joint account for our money, but also each kept separate accounts for each's own money. About once a year, we look at regular family expenses and adjust how much we each need to put in the pot weekly.

Neither has any say in what the other does with his own money. 

Of course, I'll ask for my wife's opinion for certain purchases but I've never needed her permission. Same goes for her.

My wife only gives me a hard time about my gear and sneaker hoarding bc we live in a small condo and it's getting fkn crammed in here. 

Yes exactly. Managing issue that's easily solved. The pot method (hah), prenup or not, is great and the other shouldn't really have a say in the other's personal indulgings.


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kimchi
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04/04/2019 11:40 am  
Posted by: Mr. Irrelevant

since i in a sense started this i'll address @spenser's point for my personal situation. she definitely just doesn't like me buying a ton of boards. but frankly it's a limit that is for the best anyway. we do now have a young son, so the financial aspect of it is 100% there. simply put, i should not be spending that much money on an activity i only do once a week, no matter how important it is to me. i'm trying to minimize my gear at this point on my own because i was getting sick of only riding something a couple times. i'm trying to be more selective in my purchases and only keep what i will genuinely ride. also trying to do more of a one in one out as well. kids are insanely fucking expensive so it's 100% NOT in the budget right now, so i should be making these decisions not to whore on my own....but dealing with an annoyed partner is also good motivation to keep me in check. 

my self control with this stuff is damn near non-existent at times so she helps keep me in check. i've turned away from a great deal on new boots, dump truck, and 2020 squanch within the past few weeks because i simply do not need them, least of all because of monetary reasons (but also most of all because of monetary reasons). i still have work to do with my wife in terms of not letting her control my biggest passion, because you guys do have a point...within reason i should be allowed to do whatever the hell i want when this is one of my 2 "things" (bikes being the other). but as @highme said, when you're married, own a home, and have kids there are VERY few decisions you make that are truly individual. it's all a balance. and that balance can be tough to maintain at certain times. at some point i'll piss her off by buying a board...and another time i'll decide to stay home for the weekend so we can be together as a family. i have to hope she keeps those decisions in mind, and if she doesn't i'll sure as shit remind her

the whole "change woman" line is so fucking annoying by the way. grow up. thats not directed at anyone specifically. its such a common response here, DMQ, ST, wherever. it was funny for a while. now it just annoys the fuck out of me. /rant

lol actually I started it, you just threw gas on the fire. But I agree with general sentiment. Relationships are about compromise and large snowboard quivers are a luxury in the grand scheme of things. If I had a big financial emergency and was forced to sell everything except one board... I wouldn't enjoy snowboarding any less. Besides which, again, my plans / expectations for quiver reduction are more my own shifting priorities and being aware of big life changes are ahead than her nagging. Reflecting on my season, it's hard for me to justify my current quiver size, and that's only going to be get harder once keeping tiny humans alive becomes the top priority.

 

 


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Wes B.
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04/04/2019 11:40 am  
Posted by: Elektropow
Posted by: Wes B.

Doesn't this all boil down to money and how it's managed when in a (committed) relationship?

I.e. my wife and I have a joint account for our money, but also each kept separate accounts for each's own money. About once a year, we look at regular family expenses and adjust how much we each need to put in the pot weekly.

Neither has any say in what the other does with his own money. 

Of course, I'll ask for my wife's opinion for certain purchases but I've never needed her permission. Same goes for her.

My wife only gives me a hard time about my gear and sneaker hoarding bc we live in a small condo and it's getting fkn crammed in here. 

Yes exactly. Managing issue that's easily solved. The pot method (hah), prenup or not, is great and the other shouldn't really have a say in the other's personal indulgings.

Exactly.

For context: my wife and I earn a comfortable living (we're both office professionals), but we're not rich by any means and we don't have what anyone would consider an extravagant lifestyle. We do each max out our RSP's (401K for Murricans) every year, set aside savings for our kid's future tuition fees, etc and make it a point to save up for rainy days too. In short, we're both definitely financially responsible and aren't the sort to spend our own 'play' money down to the last penny.

That said, we both agree that you should be able to enjoy the fruits of your labour how/when you see fit. Having to ask the other for permission to spend your own money isn't any different (to us) than having the other tell you how to get dressed. 

A good buddy of mine and his wife have a single bank account which is joint. Buddy needs to ask his wife permission to spend on anything. Of course, she sees snowboarding as a futile pursuit (she has zero pastimes/hobbies of her own) so any expense related to snowboarding gets shot down. Needless to say that homie doesn't get to ride very often...

Truly boggles my mind why anyone would go that route. It's as though you stopped existing as an individual just because you're in a relationship.

It's often said that the main causes for breakup in adult relationships are (in no particular order) money, sex and how you raise kids (if you have any). With that in mind, it's infinitely better to be with someone who sees those 3 things like you do than try to compromise on those things. The little things you can find middle ground on but with those 3 if you compromise, I think sooner or later it'll catch up and cause problems... 

This post was modified 6 months ago by Wes B.

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matty
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04/04/2019 11:50 am  

Wes's situation sounds like how I've managed things, as well. I know what my financial goals and commitments are, and it's on me as an adult to make those work. If I am tempted to jeopardize those through irresponsible spending, then the solution doesn't seem to me to be putting the responsibility of keeping me in line on someone else's shoulders. That's just gonna create problems and resentment.

I also decided a while ago to only be in relationships with women who snowboard or ski a lot. Not casual a couple of times a year types, but every weekend at a high level. I want to minimize conflicts about where to spend our time and money as the relationship grows. There's enough other shit to fight about in a relationship. I have even swayed one woman over to the dark side of gear whoring. When I met her, she had two snowboards. Now, she owns six - including a Moss.


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highme
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04/04/2019 12:10 pm  

I got a little bit of a bait & switch in that department. My wife got a board for Christmas from an uncle the year we met and was on the ski team in high school. The board she got from her uncle for Christmas is still in our garage, having never been ridden & she later confessed that the ski team was just a ruse to meet guys. She hates the cold and loves not camping. The good news is she's never once complained about me taking off for the mountains (or a Timbers away day) in any season.

Also, my best friend/platonic side piece loves camping and has told me she really wants to learn how to ride. So I've accumulated some gear for her and will be working on that this spring. She was with me at Trillium last year and will be there again this year. 

 

Edit: I forgot to mention and since she just did it, my wife will send me pics of any boards she finds at thrift stores on her work excursions. Most of the time they're shit boards, but occasionally she'll find some gems. She brought home a pair of  race boards that were Leslee Olson's that some hardboot nerd on FB paid me $200 for.

This post was modified 6 months ago by highme

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Mr. Irrelevant
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04/04/2019 1:45 pm  
Posted by: matty

Wes's situation sounds like how I've managed things, as well. I know what my financial goals and commitments are, and it's on me as an adult to make those work. If I am tempted to jeopardize those through irresponsible spending, then the solution doesn't seem to me to be putting the responsibility of keeping me in line on someone else's shoulders. That's just gonna create problems and resentment.

I also decided a while ago to only be in relationships with women who snowboard or ski a lot. Not casual a couple of times a year types, but every weekend at a high level. I want to minimize conflicts about where to spend our time and money as the relationship grows. There's enough other shit to fight about in a relationship. I have even swayed one woman over to the dark side of gear whoring. When I met her, she had two snowboards. Now, she owns six - including a Moss.

that's a good way to put it. i realized that i was at the point of making bad decisions and needed to help myself. so while i wasn't hiding board purchases from my wife the whole idea of using 'my' money contributed to a lack of control. once we made the decision to make it all 'our' money it helped from a checks and balances standpoint and it makes me take a second look at every purchase now, in the best way possible. 

i agree with @kimchi...i could sell all but one board (even my beloved beast/beauty collection) tomorrow and it wouldn't make me enjoy snowboarding any less so i just try to make sure i put a lot of intent behind my gear purchases now 

5'9" | 185 lbs | US9 boots (K2 TT) | Now - Drive & YES. | Gnu Beast 158 | YES. 420 148 | Arbor Clovis 157 | Camber, S-Rocker, Flat to Rocker | 150cm-160cm | Some Taper | Neat shapes are neat


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